FIFA released an updated list of world rankings this past Wednesday.  FIFA uses a long convoluted formula that takes into to account things such as results, regional strength, and the reality of football (whatever that means).  The numbers were put through a computer and here is what they got for the top 10:

FIFA/Coca-Cola World Rankings:

1.       Spain

2.       Germany

3.       Netherlands

4.       Italy

5.       Brazil

6.       Argentina

7.       Croatia

8.       England

9.       Russia

10.   Turkey

Noticeably missing are teams such as France, Portugal, and the USA.  The US is currently ranked 20^th according to FIFA’s computations.  The system is held as an objective mechanism that basis its conclusions on set rules and parameters.  The rules and parameters were set up by people who have their own opinion of what is an objective set of criteria, which ultimately begs the question.  The real problem with this system is that I don’t agree with the results.  Maybe if all the results came out the way I think they should there wouldn’t be a problem.  So I’ve decided to create my own rankings with my own objective criteria and reasons, namely: assumptions, preferences, personal bias, and, of course, self promotion.  So here it is the Green Army World Rankings:

1. Brazil

®     They are the best team in the world.  The best players, the best style, and the most impressive history.  Yes I know they haven’t had the best results as of late.  But a convincing 6-0 win against Portugal and the most recent 2-0 win against Italy show that they are still the best in the world.  If you are hung up on the fact that they haven’t been getting the results expected and should be ranked lower.  I will direct you to a ranking system that is specifically designed to take those things into consideration.  It is called the FIFA/Coca Cola World Rankings.

2. Argentina

®     Second best team in the world.  It was a tossup between Spain and Argentina at #2, but in the end I went with Argentina.  Spain has a fantastic team and their success is based on the fact that they play a South American style of soccer.  Argentineans, though, are the masters of the style.   So I asked the question, “who would win if they played each other?”  I think Argentina.

3. Spain

®     Spain’s style is the most similar to the South American’s therefore they are superior to all European teams.  As support for this conclusion I would like to cite the 2008 European Championships.

4. Netherlands

®     The Dutch have an exciting young team that should only get better over time.   They are undefeated in their group and have outscored their opponents 5-1.  The Dutch are the most under achieving team in Europe (that title was held by Spain until this past summer).   Their style is fast and effective, but is ultimately predictable.  They are still fun to watch but will have a tough time winning the big games without a little more imagination.

5. Italy

®     I couldn’t place the world champions any lower than 5^th. They play an ugly, boring style of soccer that is good for winning games.  There isn’t much to say here about the Italians.  You don’t have to like them but you have to respect them.

6. Germany

®     The Germans are always good.  They can have the worst team, be losing 3-0 and still comeback and beat you.  The Germans find ways to win and that is probably the single most important quality any soccer team can have.   They are low in imagination but high on effectiveness.  I can appreciate the German mentality and will to win, so I place them in the top 10.

7. Paraguay

®     The South Americans are first in the CONMEBOL qualifying table.  On their way to the top they beat Brazil and tied Argentina.  These guys are good and this isn’t a new development.  They have been the most consistent team in South America over the last 10 years and they deserve to be in the top 10.  The Paraguayans always get unlucky with the draw in the World Cup.  In 1998 they lost in the round of 16 to eventual champions France, and in 2002, they lost to finalists Germany in the round of 16.  They failed to get out of their group in 2006.  Nonetheless, the Guaranis are a top squad.

8. Turkey

®     I love the Turks.  They have a great style of soccer that is always fun to watch.  They are cut throat bastards too.  They come to kill and I appreciate that conviction. The Turkish side does not boast many household names but their team is packed with quality players.  They finished 3^rd in the 2002 World Cup and have struggled to regain that form. They were an exciting team to watch in 2008 Euro.

9. USA

®     The US in the top 10 is probably going to leave many people scratching their head.   The US doesn’t play pretty soccer or even good soccer, but there are many reasons why the US deserves to be here. Such as the fact this is my blog and I can put whoever the hell I want, and the fact that they just kicked Mexico’s ass and I’m still riding high on that excitement, and probably most convincingly, the fact that the Ninja Assassin thinks they should be in the top 10 as well. All of these are great arguments but I want to toss another one out there just to entertain the academic in me.   Respect for the US is lacking because they play in a weak region.  The US and Mexico are by far the best teams in the Region and should be held to a different standard.  Mexico has made it to the second round of the every World Cup since 1994, not many teams can say that.  They were knocked out by Germany in 1998 after being ahead for 75 minutes, they went toe to toe with Argentina in 2006 and were unlucky to lose in overtime, and in 2002 they lost the famous dos a cero (2-0) to the US.  Mexico is a very good team.  The US, on the other hand, does not have quite as stellar of a record, considering their early exit in 1998 and 2006 installments of the tournament.  The US has had convincing results against teams such as Germany and Portugal in the 2002 World Cup, Spain and Argentina this past summer, Brazil in the 2003 and 1998 Gold Cup, finishing third in the 1999 Confederations Cup, and a 4^th place finish in the 1995 Copa America (beating Argentina 3-0, and losing 1-0 to Brazil in the Semis).  The point I’m trying to get across is that US can get results against good teams or at least play them to an even level.  In my opinion, the US would still qualify for every World Cup even if they played in UEFA or CONMEBOL.  In conclusion, the US might not be respected . . . but rest of the world is bunch of fuckers; I know the US is good enough to be in the top 10.

10. England

®     I never liked the English game.  I think it is stale and lacking excitement.  I also think it is comical that they needed an Italian to do what English managers have failed to do.  Only because the English act as if they are the experts of the game, the originators of football, and blah blah blah but they can’t even get their team to qualify for the Euro.  Anyways, the elitist English bastards are finally playing some good soccer and working their way into my heart.  Ok no more bashing the English. The emergence of young exciting players has really transformed the English game to something that is actually watchable (I know I said I’d stop bashing them but I can’t help myself.)   Convincing results are leading many to believe that English are entering a golden age.  I like the direction that English team is going and I’m excited to see them develop under Capello’s guidance.

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