This week, I’m going to talk to you all about hate.  Yes, I’ve decided it’s time to tackle another serious blog post.  There is too much hate in soccer, but not enough hate for Cristiano Ronaldo.  Now, I can hear you all grumbling about how everybody hates a winner or the best.  Frankly, I don’t hate Cristiano Ronaldo for what he does on the soccer pitch (although he does do some things on the pitch I disagree with).  I think he is a very talented young player who might have a good career, I hate him because he’s spoiled little whiny greased up bitch.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.  First, I would like to say, that just hating somebody isn’t cool.  It has to be a thought out conscious decision to hate on somebody.  Don’t do it because it’s cool, or because your favorite Ninja Assassin told you to do it.  Each and every one of you has to search your soul and find your very own reasons to hate Cristiano Ronaldo.

But……  this is my blog post and these are my reasons!

1.        The Hair

So, I know it is very important for professional athletes to maintain their image.  However, does it really have to look like this?

I mean, this wasn’t even cool when the Grieco did it on Jump Street.

And hopefully there is karma and Ronaldo will end up with a modern day Grieco-esque hair line that he’ll have to hide under ridiculous hats and do rags.

2.       The Ferrari

So, this one hits close to home, as I am an automotive enthusiast.  Mr. Ronaldo crashed a Ferrari 599 into a cement wall on his way to training one day.  Now for those of you who are uniformed, Ferrari’s are works of art.  They are to be cherished, nurtured and loved.  You wouldn’t smack up the Venus de Milo, would you?  I think not.

3.        His Mouth

So, these words actually came out of his mouth…..

“I am the first, second and third best player in the world.”

I was going to leave this one alone and chalk it up to youthful arrogance, but I think he really believes himself when he says it.  So, here’s my plan to make this happen.  We’re going to rip off his legs so each of them can play on the field by itself at anytime.  Then what’s left of him, we’ll enter into the Special Olympics and see how he does.

4.        The Dives

When Cristiano is on the soccer field, he dives like a little bitch.  He doesn’t even wait for there to be contact before he takes a digger and buries his face in the turf and pretends to cry like a little school girl who just got her lunch tray dumped by the lunchroom bully.  And he’s so flamboyant about it too.  He seems so eager to go down…. Errrr… I’m not going to finish that thought.  You get the idea though.

5.        A picture is worth a 1,000 words…..

Ronaldo is so greasy they should hang him upside down and to collect the oil that falls and end our petroleum dependence in the middle east.

Rapids have a big game this weekend against Seattle Sounders.  A win will put the Rapids even with Seattle with 15 points and in a possible three way tie for second place.  Seattle needs to get back to winning ways in order to keep pace with Chivas.  Seattle’s offense has been a little stagnant as of late, so look for them to come into this game hungry.

This weekend the Sounders are hoping to get Ljunberg back after missing last weekend’s game to a migraine. Similarly, Riley should be back from suspension and ready to start at right back.  Cory Gibbs is healthy again for the Rapids which mean someone on the backline is probably going to be benched.  Palguta’s solid performances as of late have probably assured his spot as a center back.  Which means the Kimura is likely the odd man out.

Seattle might struggle if neither Zach Scott nor Nathan Sturgis are healthy to play this game.  That leaves Ianni, Wahl, or Graham to fill the left back spot.  Sigi might move Marshall out left and put Graham in the center.  Brad Evans is also day to day, but luckily Le Toux is back in good form and Nyassi is healthy.

If last weekend’s games are any indication of how this game will be played, we should see tons of attacking soccer.  Colorado took it to New England and was unlucky to walk away with only a point.  Seattle displayed their smooth attacking soccer against Dallas but failed to put the game away.  If anything, this game should be entertaining.

Here are some interesting matchups to watch:

Ljunberg and Mastroeni:  Mastro will have the massive task of keeping Ljunberg in check.  Considering Ljunberg is made of glass and Mastro is a massive hacker, I’m going to predict Ljunberg (injury) and Mastro (red card) only make it to the 35^th minute.

Colin Clark and James Riley: Riley might need the right mid to sit in a little deeper to help mark Colin Clark.  Riley is athletic enough to keep up with Clark, but its Clark’s deceptive runs and cuts that make him so dangerous.

Fredy Montero and the Rapids Defense: It takes a whole team to shut this kid down.  The second they don’t respect him he will score.  Montero has been kept quiet as of late and is easily frustrated by physical play. Montero now has a few games under his belt and should be getting accustomed to speed and physical nature of MLS. Montero is ready to explode at any moment and let’s just hope, for the Rapid’s sake, that Saturday isn’t that day.

Conor Casey and Jhon Kennedy Hurtado:  Both of these guys are extremely physical players and it should be a great battle. Hurtado has yet to face a forward with the size and power of Casey.  We’ll see if Hurtado can do what most other defenders in the league can’t, which is out muscle Casey.

Steve Zakuani and Cory Gibbs:  If there was any reason to start Gibbs over Kimura it is Zakuani.  Zakuani has become one of the Sounders most dangerous and influential players.  Gibbs doesn’t have the athleticism to keep up with him but he might be able to use his experience to neutralize him.

Sigi Schmid and Gary Smith:  Smith’s squad doesn’t have the talent that Seattle boasts so look for him to implement a game plan to neutralize Seattle’s possession game.  Schmid will need to deal with the absence of an experienced left back and the altitude.  If Seattle’s injuries don’t heal up, Schmid might not have the depth to keep up the pace in the last 30 minutes. Both of these guys are committed to their systems but they have some issues to resolve.  At the end we’ll have to see who the better tactician is. 

Possible Lineups:

Rapids: Pickens; Gibbs, Ihemelu, Palguta, Harvey; LaBrocca, Mastroeni, Belluchi, Clark; Cummings , Casey

Seattle: Keller; Ianni, Marshall, Hurtado, Riley; LeToux, Ljunberg, Alonso, Zakuani; Jaqua, Montero

Green Army’s Prediction: Rapids win 2-1, Seattle goes up early and loses it late to goals by Casey and Cummings.

The Green Army’s own Seattle fanatic chimes in:

Despite the difference in their records so far this season, I think this might be a closer match than most fans on both sides are expecting this to be.  Colorado’s home form this season has been fantastic and Sigi and his squad seem content to play for ties on the road.  While position for position I think Seattle has the superior squad (and yes, I’m very biased), I think they will probably play a very conservative game on Saturday night.  And I don’t foresee the Rapids mustering an offensive performance capable of breaking down Seattle’s back line and beating the league leading (statistically) goal keeper in Kasey Keller.  I think this one might go down a 0-0 draw.

However…….

The Ninja Assassin doesn’t believe in draws.  And he is a fan of the fearsome 11 that are coming to lay waste to a mediocre Rapids squad.  Yes, I predict that Kimura will be crying in his rice bowl after trying to defend against the likes of Le Toux and Zakuani all night.  And Omar Cummings will be forced to return to his native Jamaica and sell drinks with umbrellas in them on the beach after slamming into the stone wall of the Sounders defense.  Yes, the Ninja Assassin is going to expect an ass whooping of epic proportion to rain down upon Dicks Sporting Goods Park this Saturday evening and has faith that his fellow ninjas from the Pacific Northwest will deliver.